LA Juice Cleanse
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
I'm so bad to my body that every once in a while, I really have to clean it up. I'm such an extremist in everything I do - if I'm going to drink, I'M GOING TO DRINK. If I want to eat something fried or laden with butter, I'M GOING TO EAT IT. But... with all that excess, there comes a time to clean up after the destruction.
Of course it doesn't help that I live in LA where there's a juice bar on every damn corner, and anytime you read a celeb interview it starts with some crap line about "I start every morning with an organic green juice made out of kale, broccoli, brussels sprouts, and some rare plant only found on the southern coast of France (and all sorts of other expensive, leafy crap that should never, ever be made into juice) - it's why I'm so damn skinny and glowing and happy to be alive in the morning, I just don't know how I ever lived without it" (well... at least that's how I interpret their quote, anyway.)
So, like my extreme debauchery, I go to extreme measures to purge and purify. This is probably my sixth time attempting a cleanse. Each time I go down this road, I spend a ridiculous amount of money that could probably feed an entire village in a third world country a steak dinner every night for a week on this stupid little mix of pressed, squeezed, and blended veggies and fruit. Nontheless, I embark on every cleanse with the gusto and determination much like that of a born again Christian. My intentions are always solid, I just do a lot of backsliding.
So here I am again, same story, different juice bar. I'm hoping to make it through three entire days of this. Each day requires 7 bottles of juice, 12 laxatives, 6 tablets of liver restore (god knows mine is crying for relief and restoration) and an herbal tincture that states it will "kill the beast living in my gut". All of this is absolutely crazy, I know. I'm crazy, LA is crazy, juice bars are crazy. But, as they say, crazy is as crazy does. Cheers!!