Commuting on a Jet Plane
Friday, September 07, 2012
As if you didn't know this already, airlines SUCK!! They are such a necessary evil. Airline food is what I imagine prison food to taste like, all the flight attendants seem pissed off at the world, and the bathrooms never fail to smell like port-a-potties that haven't been dumped in three days (and have just been sitting in the TX summer heat. Yum.)
Yet, week after week, I climb aboard a flight that shuttles me between LA and Houston to my boys. Of course, many people who know me say it's my fault. My wanderlust has finally gotten the best of me and has left me splintered between a life in TX and one in LA. This geographical indiscretion leaves me in a total commuters nightmare. I fly so often and so regularly that I know just about every attendant and pilot on my route. In return, they know that I start my flight with a water (no ice) and then move on to a bloody mary. They also know I'm always going to ask for a blanket and a pillow, and I'm almost always going to be sitting in row three in an aisle seat. I can also testify that the menu hasn't changed on a Continental flight (now I guess confusingly referred to as United) since I started my regular commute 7 years ago. I'm always going to get salad with chicken that is painted with fake grill marks and a hot chicken fajita wrap. Every. Single. Time. They always excitedly tell you too, "and this all comes with a delicious soup!" which is always mushroom or tomato basil. The entire meal has enough sodium to cause every passenger to suffer from inflight thrombosis. I realize you're always told to stay away from alcohol on a flight, but it truly is the only way to make it bearable when you fly as much as I do. I start drinking immediately and pretty much don't stop until I doze off for the rest of the flight.
As much as I hate flying, I never think twice about climbing aboard my weekly flight in one direction or the other. I realize my boys are growing up faster than my head and heart can handle, and soon I won't be flying like a maniac to make school pickup at 3:15, or a 7PM kickoff on a Friday night. I will miss this. ALL of this. I might even begin to miss the weekly bowl of crappy mushroom soup.