Aren't Massages Supposed to Be Relaxing?
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
This weekend, my man and I went for a "relaxing" Thai massage. Their idea of "relaxing" felt more like hand to hand combat - the women whose job it was to attack me was about half my size and literally beat the crap out of me for an entire hour. It was like there was a lithe, vicious spider monkey flying above me biting, scratching, and beating my entire body without any signs of slowing down. With each passing, she dug a little deeper and I yelled a little louder. I think she found my screams a sign of success instead of horrible pain and torture. I tried to stop her a few times, but the language barrier made it difficult for me to get across that she was just about killing me, and when she showed no signs of stopping, I gave up and let her pummel me into her idea of "relaxation". For those of you who find getting your ass completely kicked by a tiny animal-like woman relaxing, boy do I have the place for you. After managing to muster enough strength to limp back to the car, the next day I felt like an old woman in need of a cane just to hobble around the house at a snails pace. Maybe next time we want to go for a relaxing couples date, we'll try something that doesn't involve getting our asses whipped. Sunday Funday? I think not.